To calm down I tried to masturbate, but it made the cut across my vulva hurt and even to start bleeding again, so I gave it up.Why did I feel so uneasy? Whatever my life would be, once I was free again, it would be better than being a slave. Or would it? This thought crept up at me from behind, unanticipated, uninvited and unwelcome, yet suddenly it was there. Did I really, truly, with all my heart, want to be free? Or was there a comfort in being a slave, a quietude, a deep satisfaction, a secret desire fulfilled that I had never been consciously aware of?I chased this thought away. Who in her own sane mind would not rejoice at the prospect of losing her chains?I masturbated now, never mind the pain and the bleeding — I needed that orgasm! And, I became aware, for this orgasm I needed him! Again I was kneeling in front of him, but this time his hands that held my head did not push me away but pulled me towards his crotch, this time his penis stayed in my mouth, throbbing with. Then we found that I am an 'autumn' in color, so all the warm and neutral colored cosmetics work for me! We played two or three nights a weektrying to come up with a decent 'Day-time' look. It is amazing how much time andwork it takes to make it look like you aren't wearing makeup! We used picturesin a turban to try to see where the makeup was headed. This is not a substitutefor hair! A wig makes a big difference in how you see or don't see the makeup,believe me! I look at the pictures in the turban, then look at the same makeupwith a wig on. What a tremendous difference!Anyway, we were invited to a wedding on a Friday night. This gave us thefollowing Saturday to do some shopping. We made an appointment atTransformations for some time to choose a wig. We also made plans to go to lunchwith another CD, Janet. She was there to hold my hand during my Decembermakeover. I thought it appropriate for her to go out with me on my first publictrip as Lisa!Jim and Soto were wonderful! They are.
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